I’m going to start off by saying I am very guilty of freely using the r-word in the past. It made me laugh. I never had a second thought about using…until Emily was born. From that day on it’s been a gut punch every time I hear it and said it.

To give you some more examples of my past mistakes so you know I understand if you have used this word or currently do. But hope from my examples and why I’ve changed will help you remove it from your vocabulary and encourage others to stop using it. The night that I was going to the hospital to be induced, we sat on the couch watching a George Carlin comedy special. If you have ever seen George Carlin you know he liked to use the r-word. As he said during this show, I sat there and laughed. I had no idea how that word was so incredibly hurtful to my baby sitting in my belly about to join our family. After I received Emily’s diagnosis of Down syndrome, I was shocked and so scared. Then I heard the word in my head that I was laughing at hours earlier and I was crushed. I felt so guilty. My beautiful baby might have people call her this and make fun of her. Her own mother laughed. I had no idea what power that word had until that moment.

Now you would think that experience would have removed that word from my vocabulary but nope. Some habits are hard to break. But this time, well this was so bad it could never be forgotten. Every time I tell this story I feel the same sickening and crushing feeling I had when it happened. Emily you was about a month old. The PT was working with her in our house. Outside the power company was cutting down a pine tree I absolutely hated. From years of the phone and power companies coming to cut away branches, it was so misshapen on the one side. It was so over grown and the bottom branches were brown and dead. I’m in the family room talking with the therapist who has only been to our house a few times. She was helping Emily. We are having a nice time and then it happens. I say “I’m so glad they are cutting that tree down. It’s so retarded looking.” As the words come out of my mouth I feel the gut punch. I feel like I’m about to throw up. And I am completely embarrassed and ashamed. I wondered what this therapist must have thought. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. I am not even sure what I said next but I remember the room was filled with an uncomfortable vibe.

I wondered if the therapist would ask to never come back. But thankfully she did and was one of the many therapist that we grew close too. We never discussed that day. I was too scared. I think she knew my words were a mistake and something I regretted. She gave me a second chance. As I give everyone that I encounter that using the r-word. You get one get out of jail free card. After that you know better.

So if you use the r-word, please stop. It is so hurtful. I never want anyone saying it to Emily or anyone else. I know you think it’s funny but it’s not. I know you think it’s harmless but it’s not. You might think it’s just a word but it carries a damaging weight with it. So please remove it from your vocabulary. And if you hear someone say it, please tell them why they shouldn’t use it. And please teach your kids not to use it either.