I know I’ve been really quiet here lately. Over the past several months, I have been hit with one thing after another. I have let myself slide down that dark spiral of sadness, frustration, anxiety and negativity. I have kept  this from pretty much everyone. I haven’t shared  about how I was feeling and what I was going through. At the time, I thought that was the right thing to do but it wasn’t. All I have to show from it is lots hair loss, a ton of out of control stress eating, lots of tears, lots of yelling, no time for me, no creativity and lots of shame.

I didn’t want to keep going on this path but I felt I was stuck. It felt like it was going to take way too much work to get out. I would try but kept failing and resorting back to all the unhealthy things. I was so mad for letting myself go so far down this hole again. I was miserable. I felt so alone. I was so angry. I can usually find the good in things but it was so hard most days. Then I would think about how my mission for this blog is to share with others. To help them feel less alone. To feel seen and heard. I needed to write about what was going on but I just couldn’t. So queue the critical voice in my head started telling me that a was a fraud. The imposter syndrome went into full effect. Then came the shame and guilt. All the time and money I spent on my website and business coaching was a waste. So I kept silent. Quietly going along sharing an occasional post looking like everything in my world was perfect and happy. I do want to say I was happy in the moment of those events. But in between those things, I was miserable. I was extremely stressed and overwhelmed. I felt lost. I had lost me. I felt like I wasn’t being completely honest to you or myself.

I wish I could go into details about what was causing me the most stress but I can’t just yet. I need to wait until I am untied to it. Talking about it now will only cause more problems. And I am trying to get to a better place so when the time is right, I will share more with you. What I can talk about is when the cycle starts you start with one problem then there is another and another until you start feeling like you can never get a break from it. That is pretty much what has happened to me. And most of these things are completely out of my control. And you know how much I like to have control of everything. I am working on this and sometimes I do well with it. But as each thing lead to another my need to control grew which meant my anxiety grew and down the spiral I went. I was reacting and not responding to the things that were happen to me.

Almost 2 months ago, I decided enough was enough. I had to do something. I needed to make changes. I was tired of being miserable and sad. I needed to make changes. What those changes were I wasn’t sure. All I knew was I could stay status quo. Fast forward to now, I am working my way back to a better place. I still have moments but nothing like before. I am able to see the good. I am happier. I am yelling less. I am smiling more. I am ready to get back to finding me. I am ready to start writing again. I plan to share with you what I am doing as I move forward. Maybe something I share will help you too. Maybe it will be something you tuck in your pocket for when you might need it. For now my hope is that if you are feeling down or stuck or alone, please know you are not. When we are in that place we don’t let others in so it feels very isolating. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you.