I know I was pretty quiet this past month. I was trying really hard to stick with my July intentions by being present and giving myself grace. I feel like I did a pretty good job with that. Or maybe I am using them as an excuse for my absence. I am not 100% sure what the answer is but I will count July as a success and move forward.

Oh August I have such a difficult time with you. You are the reminder that our summer break is coming to an end and a new school year and routines are approaching quickly. You cause me to panic and beat myself up for all the things I wanted to do but we never did. You make me wonder if I did enough. Did we have enough adventures? Did we make enough memories? And remind me of what we didn’t do. The kids still have too much screen time. We didn’t work on creating chores for everyone. We didn’t do the summer reading program. We didn’t do all the crafts I had hoped for. We didn’t go to the pool enough. We didn’t do enough adventures outside. We never had those playdates. And the house still looks like a shithole. Sigh. And now we have to prepare for a new school year with new activity schedules to coordinate. Sigh again.

This is the month that I mentally beat myself down and usually take it out on the kids. I yell a lot in August. I feel completely overwhelmed. I feel like a failure in many ways. But I am going to try very hard to break this pattern. So my intentions for this month are going to keep me from making this the month I dread. I have 4 things I am going to try to do so I can end our summer break in a good way. One that will have all of us in a better headspace to start the new school year.

First I am going to not yell. This will be a tough one. I am a yeller. I hate it but it is such a hard thing to break. I have been known to yell so loud that my throat hurts. I am not proud of this but it is the truth and has happened way more times than I would like to admit. So I am going to dig really deep and try my best not to yell this month. I have been trying to not yell for a long time now. I have gotten better but August is one of the worst months for it. So if I can conquer this month, I know that I am on a path to less yelling which is what I have wanted for a long time.

My second intention ties into the first which is to breathe. I know all the breathing techniques I just always forget to use them in the moment. I am not quite sure how I will remind myself to do this but I will figure out something. If anyone has suggestions, please pass them along to me. I am planning on working with Emily and JD on this too. I have a great book called Meditation for Kids that I just started to read that is all about meditation and breathing techniques for kids. I bought it probably a year ago and it just sat on the shelf. So I decided to start reading it. My hope is that this intention will help me and them. JD often gets upset very fast and has a hard time calming himself down (I wonder were he gets that from…), my hope is that we can learn together. We can remind each other to breathe when we are about to lose it. This could totally change my family for the better.

The third is letting go of expectations. I set way too many expectations for our summer break. You would think I would have learned by now to stop doing it but I haven’t. I always have grand plans that never happen. We might get a few in and have a few unexpected ones but the list in my head never happens. This leads to all the negative talk in my head. The feeling of a failure. The feeling that I have let my kids down. This then leads to me yelling a lot because I am so upset with myself. It also makes me want to cram a ton of things in the last few weeks before school which doesn’t happen either so I feel even worse. And just makes everyone cranky and miserable. So this month, I am going to still try to do fun things before we head back to school but I am not going to make it unachievable. I want to end our summer break with a happy ending.

The last is a continuation from July which is to be present. Instead of thinking of all the things we didn’t do or what we need to do, I am going to enjoy the moment that I am in. Being present gives me the opportunity to really enjoy what we are doing. Instead of thinking ahead of what’s next on our list, I want to see the joy on my kids’ faces. I want to see the beauty around me. I want to remember all the little moments that could be missed. I want them to see that I am truly there with them. Not in my head running down a check list of things to do.

If I can stay true to the four intentions, this could be a really great August. Possibly the best August we have ever had. I will still give myself grace because I am far from perfect (even though deep down I want to be…damn perfectionism). I know time is a thief and the days, months and years are speeding by. I can’t stop time but I can enjoy the time I have. I can make our time together better and more memorable. And it doesn’t require fancy adventures and jammed packed days. All it take is being intentional in my thoughts, words and actions.