Unforeseen…that’s my word to sum up this summer.

We are in the final stretch of summer break. The kids go back to school in a week. I can’t help but sit here and reflect on the past 3 months. They have been fun, hard, challenging, tear-filled, disappointing, uplifting, memorable, life changing, unpredictable…pretty much not what I had in mind at all.

The fun

There was a lot of really good and fun things that happened this summer. We joined a pool where Jena practiced her flips off the diving board; Emily made all the life guards nervous because she stays under water so long; and JD learned how to swim. This pool is also were JD fell of the steps of the water slide and split his growth plate in his ankle resulting in a cast for 3 weeks…not so fun.

 

I was determined to take lots of pictures this summer with my camera. Because I had this goal, we spent time outside whether it was making giant bubbles or decorating the driveway with sidewalk chalk. We played with neighbors and our cousins. We stayed out late to catch fire flies (aka Lighting Bugs). JD learned that he could control the bats by making a special sound…who knew he had such a talent. We went miniature golfing even though it was pretty much a free for all when it came to Emily and JD. We celebrated birthdays with our families (one of them being a milestone…13…yikes). We went on a hike to a new place. We went on a birthday bike ride in Pittsburgh. We went to new playgrounds so at least a few items on my summer bucket list got checked off.

 

 

We also ate a lot of ice cream…like crazy amounts of ice cream. I’m pretty sure I did this to make up for all the days that they were stuck inside or riding around in the car as I took care of stuff for my Aunt. Chalk one up to mom guilt there.

I went to the Down syndrome Convention which was truly amazing. Such an uplifting experience! I learned a ton which I am sad to report, I have not put any of my new knowledge into use yet. But I will…at some point. I also went to the Speech Apraxia Conference where I also learned new things. Then there was my very needed girl’s weekend with was a reboot to my soul. Those 3 weekends were needed more that I would have ever thought when I planned them. Thank goodness I had them this summer!

The not so fun

Then there were the challenges. My Aunt falling and being hospitalized. Finding out I am her “person”. The one that makes all the decisions (medical, financial, pretty much everything). I have to take over her bills. I have to clean out her house. I have to schedule and take her to her doctor appointments. I have to find her a place to live because she cannot live alone anymore. To be the person that gets all the phone calls from where she is living when she is having a hard day or has fallen and has been sent to the ER. (I actually got a phone call from them while I was writing this…it never ends.) Trying to do the right thing for her but also still be there for all my families needs. Cue overwhelm, stress and resentment.

Then there is the guilt that plagued me all summer… Are we making memories? Are we doing fun things? Are the kids having too much screen time? Am I yelling too much? Am I being resentful? Am I ignoring them too much? Am I giving them enough attention? This was probably the hardest part. I always want us to have a fun summer. I want us to make memories. I want us to try new things. I want less screen time (which is so hard).  I have all these ideas in my head and when they don’t happen I beat myself up. It doesn’t help my I need to give a large chunk of my time to my Aunt this summer.

What I Learned

But now that I am looking back, it wasn’t the best summer we ever had but it wasn’t the worst. It was just different. There were so many events that happened that were not in my radar. And they hit one after the other. It was so very hard. It broke me down several times. I stopped exercising. I reached for the unhealthy snack over the better choice. I stopped writing my blog. I slowed down on my sharing. I was grumpy and overwhelmed. I was stressed more than I have been in a long time. I was becoming resentful. I was angry. But at times I was also filled with joy and happiness. I was looking for the good and doing my best to enjoy it as much as I could.

Even though a lot of bad stuff happened this summer, I learned a lot about myself. I am realizing I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was. I realized I need to go back to therapy. I have new stresses and situations that are not going to be leaving me anytime soon. I need help to learn how to deal with them. I need to remember to take care of myself before I take care of others. I need to let stuff go. I don’t have to be so rigid with my routine. So what if I don’t get a shower and my hair looks like a bird built a nest in it. If it makes me less stressed then so be it.

I am teaching my kids how to be a kind and compassionate person to myself and to others. How life isn’t easy and you will make mistakes but you learn from them. You can grow into something greater than you ever thought. That’s it’s ok to ask for help. I am teaching them the importance of family and how to do the right thing even if it’s hard or you really don’t want to do it. To look for the good and enjoy it.

 

So has we finish up our Summer Break, I am going to try to soak in these last few days with more joy, peace and happiness. Hopefully a few more memories too.