I was given a homework assignment from my business coach. She asked me to write a letter as if I was 85 years old. I needed to write how it felt to not follow through on my dreams. This letter has impacted me more than I imagined. It has made me realize that I need to go for it. I need to follow my dreams…really follow them not just kind of like I have been. I do not want to look back many years from now and regret that I never went “all in” and took a chance.

I am sharing my letter for a few reasons. If even just one person out there holding themselves back from going after a dream, I hope this gives them the confidence to go for it. I also want to show my kids that they should not let their fears hold them back from what they are meant to be. And I need to hold myself accountable. By putting this out there, I definitely need to follow through no matter what. Whether my dream turns out the way I hope or not, I need to pursue it or I will regret it. I don’t want regrets.

So here it is. It’s straight from my heart. It’s raw and completely unedited. I wanted to keep it that way. I hope you get something from my letter. I hope you go after that dream…I want you to go after that dream!

A Letter From My 85 Year Old Self:

Here I am 85 years old. I had hoped to live a life with no regrets. I did pretty well with that except with one thing. I didn’t follow through on a dream I had. And no matter how hard I try, I regret it.

I had dreamed of having a blog. A blog that would share my story. I would write about my struggles and my successes. I would write about Emily and all the ups and downs with her diagnosis. I would write about my family and the adventures and challenging times we had. How we survived and how we made it better. I dreamed that this blog would make a huge difference in other’s lives. I would give them hope when they felt hopeless and alone. I would help them change their mindset and live their best life. I would share kindness and compassion for others and myself. I would help educate others on Down syndrome and Speech Apraxia. I would write from my heart with honestly. I also dreamed that a book or two would come out of this. My message was important and it could have helped so many others if only I followed through. It could have also helped my family financially. I could have taken some of the responsibility that Doug felt off his shoulders. He could have worked less, been less stressed and we could have had more time together as a family when the kids were little. He missed so much and I feel terrible about that. We could have had a better life. Don’t get me wrong we had a great life but it could have been better….so much better. There could have been more memories. More together time. Less stress. Less yelling. Less worry. More happiness and fun. I could have taught my children how to be brave and passionate about something. How hard work will prevail. How to take chances. How to make mistakes and be ok with it. How to push yourself to learn new things. How to fall down and get right back up…as many times as needed. How to be proud of yourself. How to go for your dream no matter what obstacles get in your way. To stop trying to be perfect and controlling.

Instead, I let my inner critic win. I left my fear of failure and my fear of success get the better of me. I let all the excuses win. I quit before it got really hard. I quit before I had a chance to fail or even succeed. I just kept doing what I was doing. And continued to make excuse after excuse. I believed the voice in my head. I believed I was going to be judged. I believed that it would hurt my family more than help it. I didn’t believe in myself.

I felt like a fraud. I was telling my kids that they could do anything they put their mind to. That it was ok to fail and make mistakes. That they had to try. You have to try or you will never know what could happen. That you learn from your mistakes. That you should follow your heart. That you shouldn’t listen to the voice that tells you bad things or tells you you are not good enough. That you make a difference. That your story is important. That you need to work hard and never give up if you really want something. But there I was not follow any of the advice I was giving them. I wasn’t leading by example. I was just saying the words. I know their lives would be different if I was a better example. They are happy and successful but there could be more for them. I hope they realize it before they are writing a letter about regrets when they are 85.

Now I see that not following my dream not only affected me but my entire family. I wish I would have realized this 40 years ago.