We still have a month of summer break but the clock is ticking. I only have a few more days left to make our choices for the 2020-21 School Year. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.

So what do I do? I have 3 kids going to 3 different schools each with different needs. Jena and Emily will be starting brand new schools and JD will be in school for a full day for the first time. There is not necessarily a one size fits all for my kids. So I decided to start making my lists of pros and cons for each kid and each option (hybrid/virtual or cyber). I posted a picture of my list for Emily on my Instagram stories. A friend reached out to me when she saw it. She helped me really look at my list. To really decide which pro outweighs a con and vice versa. She also brought to my attention that several things on my list were about control. I didn’t even see it until she mentioned it. She was spot on. I like to say I am a recovering control freak. I was doing really well then March happened and it only got worse after that. Was I basing some of the pros on the fact that it gave me some control? Yes! Now that is not necessarily a bad thing. Being able to control certain situations can make things less stressful. And during this time when everything feels so out of control it’s natural to want it and actually crave it. But my need to control might not be the best thing for my kids in this situation. Sometimes my controlling nature holds my kids back. And if I am being completely honest, these would most likely hold my kids back. Well as best as I can guess it will. Plus I truly believe it will backfire on me which will lead us down a path of many tears and lots of yelling. Because what I think gives me control right now will actually cause me more anxiety. Sigh…

Then there are my worries of what could happen. Can I get past them? Probably not. I will still have them. It’s really hard not to worry right now. There are so many unknowns. So much uncertainty. But if I really think about it, I will always worry. My worries will just change as time goes on. Either choice, I will worry. That can’t be a deciding factor right now. I need to set this emotion aside or I may never make a decision.

I am probably about 90% certain on what our choices will be for each of the kids. I say 90% because I haven’t filled out the survey and hit submit yet. I need to make sure that I am able to accept the choice we make. I need to be able to let things go. I am going to have to leave it up to God and the Universe and truly hope for the best. I need to remind myself that we are not the only family going through this. I need to remind myself that if it’s not working, we can switch at the 9 weeks mark. This however will take more work because it actually sets my anxiety off that we will have to go through another change. I am not always good with change.

We need to remember that everyone is making the choice that is right for their children and their family. There is no easy answer. We must respect each others choices. We must support each other. My reasons will most likely be completely different than my friends reasons. And we do not need to justify our reasons with anyone…family, friends and strangers. I did not make this decision lightly. I have had many sleepless nights. I have cried so many tears. I have given myself headaches from over thinking. At times, it completely consumed my thoughts that I missed opportunities to be present with my kids. I have never spent this much time in making a decision on anything. So if someone asks, well did you think of this or that? Yes, yes I did…probably about 100 times.

As we head into this very new and different school year, remember we are all doing the very best we can…parents, teachers and administration. And no matter what decision you make, you made it because you love your children and only want the best for them. No one signed up for this. No one ever thought they would be debating whether or not to send their child to school. But here we are. So enter this school year with kindness and compassion for yourself and for others. No one has made this decision lightly. And once I hit publish on this blog post, I could change my mind again. I hope not but it’s very possible.