Christmas is less than 2 weeks away and I have been missing out on all the wonder and joy of this season. Why? Because I am stuck in a place filled with negative self talk, stress, anxiety and complete overwhelmedness (I don’t even think that’s a word but I keeping it). I have created this giant mess. And I’m the only person that can change it.

This isn’t about “keeping up with the Joneses” I promise. It is my perfectionist personality and my need to control everything. The thought that I can do everything and do it well has crept back into my mindset. Then top it with the encounter I had with a very toxic person in my life, that I know is still effecting me even though I think it’s not. It has given fuel to the fire of my inner voice in my head. The one that likes to tell me how awful I am and points out all the things I am doing wrong.

My attitude is rubbing off on my family. I can see it. Everyone is fighting. Everyone is cranky and miserable. Emily has had some VERY bad days at school. And I know it is because of my negative mindset and my stress. This has to change. I am ready to shift back to a grateful and positive mindset.

My plate is over full right now. Some of it I can do nothing about but others I do have the power to change. But I have to make the effort and the hard decisions to make it happen. I need to sit down and take a deep hard look at everything in my life. What can stay? What needs to go? What can someone else do? What makes me happy? This is going to be really hard but it has to be done.

Living status quo is not an option. I’ve had enough miserable holidays and events all because of my negative mindset and unrealistic expectations I put on myself and others. I will not do it again. This is my chance to step back, breathe and take in this magical time with everyone I love.

Wednesday was a come to Jesus moment for me. It was a phone call from Emily’s school. My head stop spinning for a moment in time and I saw, truly saw what path I have been heading down. I didn’t like it. So at that moment I decided I needed to make a shift. It’s time to be grateful. It’s time to be present. It’s time for grace. It’s time to remember what this season is all about.

I am going to do my best to make the most of these last 12 days before Christmas. All the things will not get done and that’s ok. I will make sure to enjoy all of the little things and relax a little too. We haven’t watched a single holiday movie yet. That is now a top priority!