Letting go is the biggest challenge I have. Letting go of perfectionism. Letting go of believing my inner critic. Letting go of the past. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of mistakes. Letting go of control. Letting go of worrying about what others think. Letting go of excuses. The list goes on and on.

This is something that I have been working on for the past couple years but it’s still so hard. Some days I am a rock star and others not so much. Little by little I am getting better at it. I have realized that I need to let go of pretty much everything to make my dream come true. The perfectionism, the excuses, the expectations were holding me back. It was causes so much doubt in myself. If I wanted to be happy and successful, I needed to really focus on letting go. Even though I know that is the best choice, it is still hard to break free from a way of thinking that has ruled my life. Especially when it is fighting you the entire time.

I have wanted to write a blog for years. And for years I have talked myself out of it. My inner critic worked hard to keep it from happening. She had a field day with me. She told me I was a terrible writer. I wasn’t smart enough. No one cared what I had to say. I would be judged. I would disappoint my family. I would quit when it got hard, like I always do. I didn’t have enough time. I can’t keep up with everything I have to do now how was I going to find time to write. I am not a photographer. I am not tech savvy. It needs to be perfect or it will fail. Sadly, I believed her. Why shouldn’t I believe her. She is with me all the time. She must be right. I’ve been believing her my entire life. Why change now?

I tried to justify why I should listen to my inner critic. I mean she seems to really know me. But does she? Why can’t she be happy for me? She must be trying to protect me. Or does she know that when I push forward her voice gets softer. She becomes less important to me. She loses control so that’s why she fights my dreams. As I move forward, she throws more at me…harsher words and thoughts. She tries to beat me down. I can’t let her win.

Finally, I didn’t let her win. To be honest, she was in my head while I was trying to write this. I got up early so I could write in peace. She got up too. She almost won again. I sat here looking at a blank screen. I couldn’t figure out where to start. She was in my head. Every time I would start, she would tell me how bad it was. I needed to shake her off before I started to believe her again. So, I stepped away from my laptop and started my morning of getting everyone ready. After everyone left, I handed JD an iPad and I wrote from my heart. I didn’t beat myself up for this morning or giving JD an iPad. I just let it go. I repeated several affirmations as I wrote… “progress over perfect” and “do it scared” and “you are enough”. Maybe this is bad…maybe it’s not. It’s a start and it is just want I needed to help me move forward.

So here it is…my blog! It is not perfect. It is not for everyone. It will have spelling and grammatical mistakes. It will grow at its own pace. It will be honest and raw. It will be inspirational. It will be a therapy session. It will be funny. It will be hard. It will be growth. It will be me…messy, loved and imperfect.

I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.